Going When You Don't Want To Go
"If you love me, keep my commandments." John 14:15
I remember that particular Sunday like it was yesterday. The memory sits vividly in my mind along with the emotions I felt. The Holy Spirit whispered firmly but gently, "Go or you will be in direct disobedience to me."
"What?" Tears flowed down my face. "But I don't want to go. Please don't send me," I pleaded. "Can't you send me later? I don't want to go now." The Holy Spirit filled me with peace and said, "Go on the next trip." More tears.
You may thinking, go where?
Let me back this train up. During the summer of 2017, my church went on a mission trip to Haiti. I toyed with the idea of going. I wanted to go and help out, but I didn't want to be gone for 10 days from my boys. I have to be gone quite a bit from them with my job, so I didn't want to add 10 more days away to the calendar of things I missed with them. Momma guilt is so real. It has frequently clawed at me over the course of their lives.
In July of 2017, with great resolve, I told myself, "I will go when the boys are older. There's plenty of time to go and plenty of trips to go on." I was happy with my decision.
I got a few pictures and messages from friends in Haiti during their trip. "Better you than me," I thought. I acknowledged the sacrifice they were making as most of them left young kids behind. I prayed for them and for their babies. I prayed for their hearts to be comforted.
Please don't misunderstand. I love to travel. I love adventure. I love to tell people about Jesus. I love helping and loving on people, but it all boiled down to me not wanting to leave my family for the longest stretch of time ever--10 days.
The Sunday after the team returned from Haiti, I was in the heart of worship when the Lord spoke to me, out of nowhere, telling me I had to go to Haiti in June 2018 or I would be in "direct disobedience." WHOA! It must be very important for me to go. He knew He had to get my attention. He knew I wasn't going to make the decision to go on my own. Tears and more tears.
God is calling me to make a sacrifice for His kingdom. He is calling me out of my comfort zone. He knows how much I love my children, and He knows separating from them for 10 days will be a challenge. He wants to show me how He can work in any situation--taking care of me and them.
I'm so confident in knowing He wants me to go that I am at complete peace with whatever happens while I am gone. I don't plan to die in Haiti, but if I do, I know it's where the Lord called me to be.
I know His call on my life is much greater than I can imagine. I know He has a purpose for me in Haiti in 2018, although I have no idea what it is. I am choosing to trust Him. It's not a blind trust, but a trust running deep and true. It's a trust He has built with me over the course of my life. He has never let me down nor has He forsaken me. On my darkest days, He has been there. When I have been gripped with fear or filled with anxiety, He is there. When I go to Haiti, He will be there.
I know He will take care of my boys while I am gone. I know He will take care of me. I am excited about seeing what He has planned for my trip. I'm excited to see lives changed as people learn about and give their hearts to Jesus.
Where God tells me to go, I go. Where He tells me to stay, I stay. So, I'm going.......
If you would like to sow into my first mission trip and be a blessing to me and to the people of Haiti, you may mail a donation of any amount to the address below. I know God will bless you for your contribution. Make sure you write Jennifer Smith in the memo line of your check.
3051 Cloverdale Road
Florence, AL 35633
If you can't contribute financially, please pray for the Haiti team. My Momma heart is going to need a lot of prayers.
Thank you all for your love, support and prayers. Hugs.